Bali – the last frontier

Well, our trip has 13 days left out of about 165. The thought of coming home causes flames of fear to rip through us. I’m sure they will fade to smoky embers on our horrendous 30 hour trip back to Heathrow. Having to both find jobs and accommodation should work out but our contingency plan of winning the lottery is what we are really pinning our hopes on.

For now though we are in our final new destination, Bali. We have been shacked up in a two bedroom suite in the south of Bali for seven days enjoying the pool, DVDs, and horrific midday sun. We thought that as the pool was surrounded by a high courtyard, the two hours of sun the pool gets is safe enough not to use suncream. The cool water also deceived us as to the intensity of the sun. In the evening, steam was rising off our skin and nearby lobsters were jealous that we were redder than them. I faired better than Noony, who woke up the next morning in agony, unable to perform basic human functions like moving. She forgets the fair nature of her hair and has been chastising the sun ever since.

We are moving places tomorrow where internet doesn’t exist so let me tell you about our firm and strict schedule day by day. There is a waterpark nearby that has a ride called climax (insert inappropriate joke here). You step onto a manhole cover that flips open, you fall vertically so fast that the ride loop the loops and ejaculates you over the pool. (too much?) Andrea is convinced she will go on it. Noony has discussed in detail that a suitcase of substantial money presented to her in advance for her to count isn’t enough for her to step onto that trapdoor.

A few days after that we are travelling to the north-east tip of Bali to what is considered the best dive site ever: the wreck of a World War Two cargo ship turned coral/1000 species masterpiece. When we clean the saltwater from the camera circuit board and have found a spot of Internet we will endeavour to let you know that it was pleasant.

We were planning to travel to Komodo Island, or one of the smaller uninhabited dragon islands, but the small danger factor of having to cross one of the strongest water currants by a rickerty boat, being the only people on an island of bloody terrible lizards that hunt in packs and watching Jurassic Park only confirms my fears that I will die.

Anyhoo, I need to get back to sitting down and enjoying doing nothing. In two weeks this dream will end and we will have to do normal things like getting up at 7am, putting on a shirt and moaning obscenities into a bowl of coco pops. That said, I am yearning tragically for a glass of milk. True story.